Mother Blessings - a Rite of Passage
The dominant ‘culture’ in Australia is seriously lacking in ritual. And ritual is SO important, not just culturally but for mental health. Rituals and rites of passage reduce anxiety, increase bonding, provide meaning and closure, and increase resilience.
Research suggests that when there is no traditional rite of passage for a given transition, people will create their own. And from my observations, the ones which exist here leave much to be desired. Think about adolescence - we know about the powerful and sometimes intense coming of age ceremonies that young men and women undergo as they approach adulthood (e.g. Walkabout in Indigenous Australian cultures, land diving in Vanuatu, Quinceañeras in Mexico). Then we look at our own rites of passage: schoolies, moving out of the family home, learning to drive, drinking alcohol…I struggle to find the substance to these in comparison. In fact, rather than bringing our young people closer to community, they quite literally increase separation.
The transition from ‘maiden’ to mother is one of the biggest transitions a woman will experience in her lifetime and generally we honour this with a baby shower. Baby showers are a delightful experience for the soon-to-be-mother yet the focus is still on baby, not mother, and certainly does not sufficiently honour the enormous changes that women experience and will continue to experience for years to come.
Much like a baby shower, a Mother Blessing brings together a group of women to surround the expectant mother in love and well wishes. But rather than playing games and giving gifts, a mother blessing focuses on ritual and symbolism to foster connection and trust between the mother and her wise women, and between the mother and her body.
A typical Mother Blessing might look like 5 to 10 women seated in a circle with a facilitator. They might start with a guided visualisation. Perhaps they each write a letter to the mother-to-be and read it aloud or give it to her to read during labour. The host may invite the women to bring a symbolic gift such as a gemstone or candle, and explain the symbolic meaning to the group. They may take part in a red thread ceremony or another ritual from the mother’s own culture or religious background. The women eat nourishing foods together and shower the mother with encouraging words and physical affection. Maybe they wash her feet or make her a flower crown. Many women find a host that specialises in Henna tattooing and have their belly tattooed.*
Most importantly, a Mother Blessing honours the mother and her transition through matrescence. Have you heard this word? The word matrescence was first described by Dana Raphael in the 1970s, but I came to know it through the works of Amy Taylor Kabbaz and Dr Sophie Brock. Think of it like adolescence - it is a transition that happens over years, that includes massive identity shifts, neural plasticity, adaptation and agitation. In the words of Taylor Kabbaz, “Becoming a mother is not just about raising a child. It is a rite of passage for the woman that is both an ending and beginning: she will never be who she used to be, and she doesn't fully know who she is yet.”
The ritual of a Mother Blessing acknowledges these changes in a spiritual, mother-centred, and intentional way. It invites women to be mindful and fully present, to tap into their own wisdom in order to offer strength, blessings and love to the expectant mama. A Mother Blessing can include any number of symbolic rituals. These act as an anchor for the new mother to come back to time and time again as she navigates matrescence.
I see one of the major benefits of a Mother Blessing to be the village building it facilitates. To invite women to slow down together is powerful. It provides space to breathe and be nourished, and to slow to the pace of the third and fourth trimester. It is easy to forget what that’s like once you have moved to the faster pace of mothering toddlers and beyond. When we tap into the new mother’s rhythm we can better appreciate her needs. We remember how vulnerable she is and how precious her space is. We remember to tread lightly with her emotions and give generously with our love and admiration.
An important component that makes a rite of passage so powerful is the presence of elders. Elders who have been through the same transition and can act as guide for the initiate. I believe this is one way to distinguish a celebration or party from a meaningful rite of passage. Elders pass down wisdom, and while many of our elders may have become disconnected from natural birth and baby wisdom over the last 100 years there is still energy and function in matriarchal storytelling. Acknowledging a woman’s maternal lineage and generational patterning is so very powerful. An elder doesn’t have to be a direct relative. It can be a wise mother or a facilitator like myself, who can guide the expectant mother and her loved ones from a place of wisdom and reverence for the process.
I will be absolutely honoured to begin hosting Mother Blessings soon. I am passionate about honouring mothers through matrescence and ensuring they feel like the goddesses they are as they birth babies and beyond. I am beginning the process now of connecting with other wise women in the field to ensure my future mamas are nourished, firmly held in the space, and have a truly heart opening experience during their Mother Blessing.
We are so lucky to live in a part of the world with the physical space, safety, time and resources to start coming back together, to tune back into the innate part of ourselves that thrives on connection and ritual. For so long we, as a society, forgot about the power of ritual and rite of passage. And more recently, of course we simply weren’t able to come together physically and enjoy these kinds of practices. I am excited to dive in to Mother Blessings and enjoy the amazing opportunity I have to bring women together.
Jasmine 🌸🌸🌸
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*It is important to note the delicate balance between ritual and the risk of cultural appropriation. It is very important to me as a privileged white woman that I tread carefully when practising ceremonies. I do not intend on profiting from any other culture’s traditions. You may have heard the term ‘Blessingway’ used to describe a similar event as I have outlined here today. 'Blessingway' refers to a sacred spiritual ceremony performed by the Navajo people to celebrate rites of passage that occur throughout the entire life cycle, and Diné Navajo feminists have explicitly asked that it not be used outside of their faith and culture. While Navajo Blessingways may have inspired the original Mother Blessings, they are not the same thing. My Mother Blessings have no cultural connection to the Navajo people. I intend to draw from the culture of my individual clients to tailor each practice.
For more info on the science of ritual and rites of passage:
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210914-how-rituals-help-us-to-deal-with-uncertainty-and-stress
For more info on Blessingways:
https://newbornmothers.com/blog/mother-blessings-cultural-appropriation-and-what-to-do-instead
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Blessingway
For more info on Matrescence:
