What makes me the ideal postpartum doula for you?
As a trained professional, I know how to care for mums. But make no mistake, you’re the expert on you!
#1 - I’m not an expert.
Maybe it’s not great marketing to proclaim myself as a NON-expert in my field. But I bet you’re as tired as I am of people claiming to be experts in the birth, parenting and motherhood arena and then feeling incredibly disappointed when this ‘expert’ isn’t much help for your specific situation, or doesn’t align with your values or goals. Maybe they just don’t seem to get it; what it’s like for you and your baby. Maybe their methods don’t work for you, and if you’re anything like me, you’re likely beating yourself up about that - “I must be doing something wrong!”
Or maybe…just maybe, no one knows you or your baby as well as you…hmm? And maybe, just maybe, you’ll seriously benefit from having someone in your corner who believes and trusts you, pays attention to your wants and needs, and can help you navigate the myriad of specialists, ‘experts’ and advice that so often overwhelm new mothers.
My approach to supporting mothers, while scaffolded by my education with Newborn Mothers, is deeply rooted in my intuitive understanding of 𝔀𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷. Central to postpartum care is the capacity to place 𝓜𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 as the expert and (IMO) everyone else as ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ.
I am not an expert in any particular aspect of postpartum care. And this makes me better at my job! Here's how being a non-expert allows me to bring an invaluable service to mothers:
1. A Holistic Approach to Postpartum Care
It is vital that mothers and babies are supported holistically, with medical experts, allied health, and social-emotional support people working together. No part of a woman's pregnancy, birth or postpartum exists in a vacuum. In fact, across every traditional culture around the world their exists a number of postpartum ‘pillars’ or foundations. Each area impacts the others and postpartum professionals should try not to hold any particular pillar over and above another, lest the whole foundation topple. Ideally women should include as many support people and professionals in their postpartum plan as possible, including health professionals and individuals who can liaise and triage the support. It brings me great satisfaction to help build women's villages and refer them to trusted specialists as needed. I like to think of postpartum doulas as the 'GP' of the postpartum space. We know a little bit about a lot of topics and we know where to send you for more support.
2. Versatility in Supporting Different Families
“I show up for my clients as my authentic self; flawed, open-hearted, humble. ”
I have worked with women having planned c-sections and women having physiological births, women having their first baby or seventh, pregnant women and women approaching 12 months postpartum. Every Mother Is Different (sing it with me now!!). While I advocate strongly for more birth and breastfeeding education in the community so that women can make informed choices, this doesn’t mean I disapprove of any particular birth or parenting choice. I am aware that the choices families make about their pregnancies, births, and beyond are theirs to make and may be influenced by a multitude of factors that are not necessarily disclosed to me. The diverse needs and backgrounds of the families I work with make it imperative that I adapt and tailor my support for each client.
3. Collaboration with other professionals
While I may not be an expert in a particular area, I recognise the value of accessing specialist support when needed. In order to facilitate connections between mothers and other perinatal professionals, I make it a priority to verify (to the best of my ability) perinatal specialists such as lactation consultants, therapists, and educators. By having trusted resources at my fingertips it saves new mothers from having to wade through thousands of Google search matches while they are facing (likely stressful) postpartum challenges.
4. Continuous Learning and Growth
It is in my nature to be continually seeking and digesting information. I am humble enough to admit I will never, ever know everything about postpartum care. But no one will! Because new research is always emerging and every new client I support brings me a whole new perspective. I am committed to continuous learning and professional development so that I can best serve women and mothers.
5. Building Trust and Connection
Building trust and connection with mothers and their families is vital. I could not support mothers as authentically as I do if I came from a place of ‘authority’ over them. My humility and willingness to learn contribute to creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment for my clients. As human beings we feel safe when we feel heard and understood. We grow in confidence the more we are supported to make our own choices and mistakes, honing our own intuition, and especially when this is role modelled to us by others. I show up for my clients as my authentic self; flawed, open-hearted, humble. I will not pretend to be an expert because my job is not to know, but rather to find out - who you are and what you need.
#2 - I’m not wealthy 💰
I know first hand the economic constraints of motherhood and how difficult it can feel to prioritise your needs above those of the family.
It's no secret that postpartum support services, including those of a postpartum doula, often come with a decent price tag. In Australia, there's a cultural tendency to readily accept and invest in significant life events such as weddings, first birthdays, and family holidays. However, postpartum doula services don’t yet make it into many people’s budgets. I understand that it's often a matter of priorities rather than cash flow, but that doesn’t mean I don’t empathise with the challenges families face in allocating their resources.
Acknowledging Economic Realities
I'm not naïve to the fact that the cost of living crisis is affecting millions of individuals and families in Australia and worldwide. Like many of you, my family lives primarily on my husband’s income while I balance my part-time business and being a SAHM. This situation means we have to do without sometimes. As I’m cooking up organic bone broth and bespoke teas for my clients, my kids are more often than not eating Coles sausages for dinner! It can feel disheartening but I’m in the habit now of challenging my own ingrained beliefs about money. So I acknowledge that while I’m opting for the cheaper food options in my home, I’m still spending $25 a week for my daughter’s gymnastics lessons and $50 a month at Bunnings for my DIY hobbies. So it’s not simple; we each uphold our own priorities and values, daily choices, impulses, and possess different levels of financial literacy. I’m not going tell anyone to, “just quit buying avo on toast,” but I will ask women to examine their beliefs about money and the cultural norms that underpin them.
If I had a magic wand, I’d make postpartum doula support bulk billed! But alas, for now I have to settle for providing accessible and tailored support to the best of my ability.
While I recognise that societal attitudes toward postpartum care won't shift overnight, I remain committed to advocating for change. It's essential to challenge the notion that postpartum support is a luxury and to highlight its inherent value in promoting maternal well-being and therefore everyone’s wellbeing.
When mothers receive adequate (nay, abundant…. no, lavish support!) support during the postpartum period, we reduce the incidence of postpartum depression and anxiety, we reduce healthcare costs associated with maternal and child health issues, and…although I don’t believe in prioritising it…it allows mothers to move back into paid work with more ease. Overall, investing in maternal support services not only benefits individual families but also has positive ripple effects throughout society, contributing to a healthier and more prosperous economy.
Leading By Example
“When I change, the culture begins to change.”
So, whenever I hesitate over an expense that pertains to my own health and wellbeing I tend to remind myself of these things:
Spending money on my health is never a waste
I pour more generously from a full cup
When I change, the culture begins to change.
I try to lead by example. I cannot expect women to pay for something that I would not be willing to pay for. Unfortunately I’m not having more babies so I don’t get to experience the bliss of a postpartum doula. But I prioritise my wellbeing through paid therapy, coaching, massage, naturopathic support, women’s circles…and baths! I will always make demand time for a rejuvenating bath.
Accessibility
My appreciation for people’s financial realities significantly influences my pricing strategy. I tailor my services to strike a balance between sustaining my business and meeting the needs of my community. I approach potential clients with empathy, understanding that discussions about finances can feel…sticky. You won’t encounter a relentless sales pitch when you reach out to me. Additionally, I am committed to finding ways to support the most disadvantaged members of my community, whether through free offers, community-funded doula support, scaled pricing, or other initiatives I may develop in the future.
If you like the idea of a postpartum doula, whether you feel like you can afford it or not, please reach out. I genuinely do want to help.
#3 - I’m an open book
I don’t get a lot of time to read, but when I do….I watch TV.
This is an easy one! Yep, I really am an open book. Ask me anything and I’ll probably answer honestly.
To prove it I had an Ask Me Anything day on my socials. Here’s the results:
ASK ME ANYTHING
Q: Do you still feel like you’re in your postpartum era?
A: I finally feel like i'm in more of a 'motherhood' zone than a postpartum zone. but like i always say, postpartum is forever. I mean, look at my instagram stories, they’re full of pics of me co-sleeping or driving around a sleeping toddler. There is no end point where everything goes back to 'normal'. Motherhood is always about adapting, changing, struggling, receiving TLC and ideally help!! Seriously, someone help, I have a three year old baby! 😆
Q: Favourite place to be?
A: Looking out at the view at my family home in Gympie, where I grew up.
Q: Tips for Toddler Meltdowns
A: I get some great advice from leaders in the child development and conscious parenting field, but l'd be lying if I said I’d figured it out for myself. My favourites are Janet Lansbury (RIE parenting), Marion Rose (Aware Parenting) and The Nurturing Parent podcast. Just keep in mind that many wonderful pieces of advice won't work quite the same for neurodivergent kids (or sometimes for their ND parents either!). And the tricky part is that ND often doesn't become obvious until years later. If you find yourself thinking “I must be doing it wrong,” I invite you to take a step back from the ‘advice’ and talk to someone who is affirming, open-minded, and definitely, above all, follow your intuition.
Q: If you had a newborn again, what would you do differently?
A: It breaks my heart that so many of us had to learn the hard way. It angers me that we live in a society that allows women to suffer, to make avoidable mistakes, to pine for what could have been. When all the while the support is available, the research is out there, and the wisdom is within reach.
My second postpartum experience was extremely improved from my first. But even after researching the fourth trimester I still missed plenty of crucial components using the ‘be my own doula’ approach. If I had my time over from the very beginning of motherhood I’d make a lot of changes:
(𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺)
Prenatally -
Hire a birth doula
Hire a postpartum doula
Push to join the MGP for my first
Have a homebirth for my second
Attend a hypnobirthing course for both
Have a mother blessing
Have counselling with a perinatal therapist
Demand my husband receive counselling too.
Set clear boundaries with family (including asking them not to comment on or advise us on our parenting choices unless asked)
Have my mother stay for at least a few weeks.
Research safe bed sharing
Purchased a Super King mattress and sold our bed base
Ask for meals not baby presents
My favourite place in the world.
Postnatally -
Enjoy the golden hour (or three!)
No hospital visitors
Way more skin to skin for the whole first year!
Co-sleep and bedshare
Focus on MY rest and nutrition
Restrict visitors
Hire an IBCLC
Ditch the pump and bottle
NDC practitioner for support with sleep
Request referrals to specialists and follow intuition
Avoid sleep training and sleep clinics
Surrender to imperfection
See a pelvic floor specialist sooner and DO pelvic floor exercises
Have bloods run at 6 weeks
See a naturopath
Take supplements
Nap more
Send the dog to the grandparents for an extended holiday
Arrange daily in-home support for afternoons to help me through witching hours (even just a friend or neighbour)
Hire a cleaner permanently
Choose either EC training or child-led toilet training later.
Continue therapy
Don’t start a play room Pinterest board
Pause being a climate warrior
Avoid comparing babies
Buy any and all gadgets to help with car rides
See a baby chiropractor
So there you have it, honest answers. But if you want to know more about me, I’d love for you to leave a comment below.
#4 - I’m an Imperfect Mother
That’s putting it lightly.
My clients want to feel safe. And I will always meet them with compassion and understanding, largely because I GET IT! In fact, perhaps because I unwittingly AIMED for perfection in my early mothering (hello perfectionist traits wave), I know how impossible it is to achieve. And oh how it hurts to fall from such great heights.
But through such an intense battle against myself, I gained a level of compassion, deep empathy, and objectiveness that I would not possess had I ‘succeeded’ in my goals.
I’ll be completely honest with you, prior to having my own children I thought parents made ‘poor’ parenting choices due to a lack of education. I seriously believed when I saw a parent handing their toddler a phone at the cafe, it was because the parent hadn’t read the latest research on screen time! Or that parents smacked, fed their children sugar, gave them plastic toys…all for the same reason - they just didn’t KNOW.
Gosh how I cringe at this version of me. The version that had no idea just how close to the edge (and sometimes regrettably OVER) parenting can push us. And how our parenting choices are affected by our financial situations, our stress levels, our support system (or lack of), our child’s temperament, neurodivergence, and so on and so on….
I won’t judge. Because I simply do NOT have a leg to stand on, having made more mistakes, missteps and complete 180s in my parenting than I ever could have predicted.
I know the research. I know what leads to ‘best’ outcomes in controlled settings….and I can educate clients so they can make informed choices. But the choice to hand a toddler a smart phone and a lollypop in Woollies instead of yelling and leaving in tears, can STILL be an informed and valid choice. The choice to begin mix-feeding because you know you will flourish in motherhood if you can go back to work sooner, can STILL be an informed and valid choice. Buying a Snoo to rock your child back to sleep because there is only so much rocking your arms can do in a 24-hr period can STILL be an informed and valid choice.
I’m here for all of your dark thoughts, your falls, your struggles, your choices and your self-determination.
My fall from grace is your saving grace.
Jasmine X
